A few good people

I am a septuagenarian (look it up), as such I am not quite as active as I once was. No more roofing, no more biking and no more volleyball. I now have to pay people to do things that I used to get paid to do. I need people to do carpentry, painting and plumbing.

My home and I were at odds with each other. Health concerns like COPD, edema which is the build-up of fluid that causes my feet and legs to become swollen, peripheral neuropathy in my feet caused by the chemo I had for cancer and arthritis were making it difficult for me to live in my family home of over 40 years where the only bathroom and my bedroom was up a flight of 16 stairs from the main living area. It was a scary trip.

We considered moving to a ranch style house or at least a home with a bathroom and bedroom on the first floor. None of us including my wife and I were very happy with this option. Our grandchildren were almost in tears when we told them we might have to move. They told us they loved our house and wanted us to stay there. Our home has been a safe harbor for many people that now range from 8 to 50 years of age. If we bought a new place we would have to have our belongings packed up and moved to the new place. The one thing a moving company can’t pack up is the over 40 years of memories from sleepovers where the living room floor looked like an emergency shelter to teaching my grandson how to play Canasta in my Man Cave.

We decided to put a small addition off the back of our house to make it more livable, a bedroom, a walk in closet and a small bathroom. That way our house will serve our needs for as long as necessary. A project of this magnitude will require quite a bit of capital but not as much as buying a new home and moving.

We worked on the ground work for putting an addition on our home for a few months. It wasn’t as easy or as cheap as we thought it would be. I’ve been as stressed as a cat that wandered into a tennis racket factory. We lined up a surveyor and had our lot surveyed. We then found an architect to draw a plot plan to present to the city to get a variance. For what these people charged, I think I went into the wrong profession.

I called several builders and most of them never bothered to show. Three contractors did show up though. The first one wanted to give us vaulted ceilings and a few other modern amenities at a price that was in the stratosphere. First off we wanted something that went with the architecture of our house that was built in 1919 and vaulted ceilings just wouldn’t make it. We have high ceilings sure, but none of them are vaulted.

I had a funny feeling about the second contractor when I met him. He was considerably cheaper. I worked 40 years running my own handyman/contracting company couldn’t see how he could do a quality job at the price he quoted.

The third contractor that came over was Michael Harrington (208-6995). He came from out of town and wasn’t even licensed to work in Lockport at that time. I felt at ease with him from the start. The bid he gave us was in the middle. It was higher than I had anticipated but most projects of this type always cost more and take longer that you think. Michael got a city license and has been back a few times for additional projects.

I also have a few friends that put my window air conditioners in the spring and take them out in the fall. There is no way I could lift these much less put them in the window without falling down.

When I was younger, I used to snow blow all the way around the block. I figured I was dressed and out in the cold anyway, why not help people out? In the winter my wife does most of the snow shoveling now but I worry about her doing it and try to watch her thru the window.

Snow shoveling is a known trigger for heart attacks. Emergency rooms in the Snow Belt gear up for extra cases when enough of the white stuff has fallen to force folks out of their homes armed with shovels or snow blowers according to Health.Harvard.edu. Occasionally though neighbors help out by doing our snow. I am thankful for this. I am also thankful for the people that cut our lawn for us. One less job for my wife.

Fortunately I have managed to find a few good people I can rely on. After all the people I have helped in my lifetime it is nice to see good karma come back to me.

Norb is a freelance journalist from Lockport. His blog is WhyWNY.home.blog

Hugs, they’re not for everyone

Hugs, They're not for everyone

There’s currently a Puritanical idea that has pervaded our culture in which touch and sex are inherently linked and it is doing us a great disservice. I think that people are afraid to touch each other no matter how platonic.

I will admit it, I’m a tactile person. I give and receive hugs every day. Touch is one of the ways I communicate. I’m also a shoulder patter, and a hand holder. Hugs are free and there is no purchase required.

We Americans are often “touch starved” because the casual, nonsexual contact that happens between friends in other cultures just doesn’t happen here. I think we were never meant to hold each other at arm’s length.

According to Readers Digest, hugs are more than just a friendly greeting, they’re a surprisingly powerful health booster you’ll want to take greater advantage of every single day. From the time we’re born our family’s touch shows us that we’re loved and special. The connections of self-worth and tactile sensations we received in our early years are still implanted in our mind as adults. Hugs affect our ability to love ourselves.

Hugs are much more than a friendly greeting. Holding a hug for an extended time is said to lift one’s serotonin levels, elevating mood and creating happiness. Hugs supposedly strengthen the immune system. Hugging is reported to boost self-esteem.

Touch is incredibly important for us as human beings. Studies have shown that hugs can reduce blood pressure and release oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone that has been associated with empathy, trust, and relationship-building among other things.

A good hug relaxes muscles and releases tension. Hugs can help ease pain and soothe aches by increasing circulation into the soft tissues.  Hugs teach the importance of giving and receiving. There is an equal value in receiving a hug as there is to giving one. Hugs show us how love goes both ways. As a loving person, I get an abundance of hugs from my family. I find that hugs are like a miracle drug.

A Swedish study of 172 nursing home residents found that those who received hugs and physical touch, connected more with family, friends and visitors, were more socially active and had a tendency to thrive better than the residents who didn’t receive the physical contact.

When you are in a relationship, it is too easy to take the other person for granted. A benefit of hugging that is frequently overlooked is that a hug can reaffirm your love. I think it’s valuable to know that something as simple as time spent touching or hugging has been shown to have measurable benefits.

I had a doctor who was very professional but unemotional. He was an excellent doctor that in my mind saved my life on more than one occasion. The first time he proclaimed that I was “In remission” I jumped up and gave him a big hug, I was so elated. It was like hugging a tree.

In his culture, men did not hug. Over the course of several years and 2 remissions, I hugged him many times. Our relationship warmed so much that the last time I saw him, he initiated the hug. He also had a student with him on this particular day. He said to the student that he might as well hug me because I was going to hug him too.

A few years ago, I had a person report me to HR that I had hugged her. She was telling me about her horrible battle with cancer when I said “sounds like you need a hug”. I did not approach her or grab her, just stood and opened my arms. She then stepped forward to get her hug. She didn’t protest at the time or say “No thanks.” but seeing as I was in a position of superiority over her she didn’t think she could refuse.

She taught me to always ask if people are comfortable with a hug or possibly even a warm handshake before assuming that they were. It was a boundary I needed to understand and something I needed to learn.

I now recognize that for lots of people, touch can be not only be something unfamiliar but has the ability to transmit aggression or dehumanizing and scary messages.  I mean nothing more by it when I offer you a hug other than make an effort to connect with you or to offer comfort to you, not to invade your space or make you feel uncomfortable.

So while I will continue to offer hugs to people who seem to welcome them. I will never foist them upon anyone. I will say though that if I see you crying, eating cold pizza and you explain your troubles to me and ask for advice, offering a hug to you seems as reasonable to me as offering you a tissue.

Hugging might also be a wonderful way to resolve a disagreement. I think that giving each other the touch they need may have the ability to reverse the damages.

To me, there doesn’t seem to be a downside to consensual hugging, I just have to ask first.

Norb is a loving husband, father and grandfather who doles out hugs in Lockport. He blogs at WhyWNY.home.blog

https://buffalochronicle.com/2019/05/11/hugs-theyre-not-for-everyone/